So today I had a norther terrible day… well, actually, it was worse than Monday with my chemistry test!
So, three or so times per year at my school, we have these “focus days”, however they don’t really “focus” on one thing in particular. So, for the first one of this year, we had 4 things throughout the day, Yoga, time management, studying tips, and a two hour activity with the army.
Let me give you some background information:
- I’d recently had an arugument with my friend.
- She called me two faced.
- She ignores me.
- Treats me like shit when she doesn’t.
- Is a total bitch to me in general.
- Then, she had a falling out with my other friend, so we stuck together, with another friend.
- This other friend, E, I will call her, and N, the friend I was sticking with, are VERY good friends.
- So, I constantly feel like an outsider with them.
- E and N were in the same group together today, and I was alone with M, the nasty one.
So on to today…
first we had yoga, all went well, M and I didn’t talk to each other, and carried on semi-civilly. Next activity, totally fine. Third activity… I say, “sorry, I didn’t realise you were there,” as I bumped into her. She ignores me.
Then it’s lunch. By the time that I get to the area we always sit in guess what I see… M, N, E and C (another friend,) all sitting together! At a four seat table. Great. Plus, M was there and I didn’t want to cause anything, so I turned around and went to the bathroom. In the way, a friend asked me if I was okay, who I shrugged off.
After ten or so minutes crying in the vacant bathroom, two of my class mates, A and G, walked in. They asked me what was wrong so I vented a tad, and then they tried to comfort me a bit, but they didn’t really succeed. They spoke to me for a few minutes and then they left. Which mad new cry even more, LIKE a complete moron.
I cry so easily! And over friends, and stupid things like that. It’s infuriating how easily I cry.
So, in the last activity, with the army, we didn’t choose our groups. And I was in a terrible group. Though at first it didn’t seem to bad, until we started the activities. It was only bad because of one person. Let’s call him F.
In the first activity, F blamed me for the ropes not being secure for the structure we had to build, and therefore, it collapsing. I didn’t even tie the knots! I called him out on it, and he said, blunt as ever: F*** off. Which was great.
The second activity, F blamed me for not doing it right, when he wasn’t even doing anything! And made me feel like an idiot infriny of everyone. Luckily a teacher was near, so I asked to go to the bathroom, but by then I was already crying. On the way back, G, from earlier, had been put into our group, and she talked me to about what was stressing me, and comforted me and made things a little better.
I don’t even know why I cried, it just effected me so much! I think everything piling up is just making me feel shit, and I notice others feel the same too.
Anyway, on to activity three. This one, I didn’t even try to do any thing. It was a complicated-ish activity, and I could see that if I even tried to do anything, it would cause something to be said by F. So I stood on the side, talking to the female army medic who was running the activity. Obviously, we were giggling at how they went exactly doing well, when I said, “surly that should be a warning?” Quietly to the woman (every time they touched one particular piece of land they got a warning). I don’t even say it rudely, and I wasn’t even talking to him in particular, but F turned around and said really rudely, “For Gods sake, your meant to be on our team!”. And I know that sometimes people are sarcastic, and joke, but this was definitely not that occasion!
The next activity was similar, him shouting at me, ” God, it’s just a bit of fun,” when I wasn’t even sayinging any thing and just joking with G about how the boys in the group didn’t exactly ace it.
Then came the tug-of-war, and it was fine until our very last “war?”. So people clumped around where I was, and then F decided to shout at me, telling me to space out! Not anyone else, just me! That’s when I snapped back, telling him to leave me alone and stop blaming me -and no one else- for absolutely everything that went wrong.
I think that bugged me the most was that he only blames me. And I do t even know what I was doing to deserve it! What was I doing?
I think that everything piling up just made it worse and worse, plus family drama. And I probably shouldn’t hold it against F, it’s not like he knew anything going on.
Thank you if you got this far, and sorry for another non-bookish post that was another rant,