Okay, children, calm down, it’s story time. . .
On the fine day of Sunday 12th February, i.e, yesterday, I was an adventurous child and ventured into the wilderness to meet the wonderful Grandma Elm and the moronic-but-lovable, L. This was a pretty big day for me, because I’ve never met up with another blogger before, but also because they’re amazing, and let’s be honest, they still could have been 50-something-year-olds.
Due to it being a Sunday, and yeah, I arrived early, wandering about the town freezing to death, then found sanctuary in the 2nd-nearest Costa shop (the one L had COMMANDED me to go to, btw) and actually bumped into someone I know… AWKS! And to make it even more “AWKS!” her parents were there… and her mum said “you here all by yourself?” I must have seemed like a right looser.
Anyways, several minutes later, Black Americano cooling to a drinkable temperature—let’s be honest, what kind of weirdo can drink them straight away? Or is that just me? Anyways—I get a call from Elm who is squealing while also saying “We’re just round the corner! EKKK” Then, a few sips of coffee later, I get a call from L, informing me that they’re outside saying “look for the people with canes” or something along those lines.
So, I gather myself together, exit the coffee shop, and gaze around. I couldn’t see them, great, I know. But then all of a sudden they pop up on the other side of the road, and I try and contain a shriek.
So, I’m REALLY excited at this point, if you couldn’t tell already, and they cross the road, and Elm’s dad is there, and I’m trying not to be the awkward person as they arrive but then before I can be awkward or do anything awkward, Elm just grabs me into a hug, where I nearly fall over poor girl, and she’s literally squeezing me. Then her dad looks at me with wide eyes, like “what is happening to my daughter?”
Once Elm releases me, we part from her dad—who casually says “give me a call if you want to get rid of them”—and we wander into the warm coffee shop, and purchase some hot beverages. And about 100 kerfuffles later, we find a table, with said drinks. And the bickering started instantly
Over the course of the day, we wander, all of us pretty indecisive, often stopping for “Triangle Time” where we decided where to go next, which just mainly consisted of us singing “Triangle Time” for different durations of time and in different pitches and weird voices. Which actually gives off a cult sort of vibe. BUT DO NOT WORRY, WE ARE NOT PART OF A CULT, NOR SHALL WE BE IN THE FUTURE. Phew.
We—Elm and I—nearly, nearly, drag L into Kiko, a makeup shop, just to see how he would cope, but we opted for the generic Boots, and searched for some concealer while L stayed back and tried to pick up the broken pieces of his masculinity as he stood by the “Maybelline” stand. Anyway, Elm nearly shop-lifted as she put it in her bag and “forgot” it was there.
Not too long after, we were approaching Lush, and Elm stated “I SMELL LUSH!” It smelt amazing, I will admit. I think I could have stayed in there forever! And they decided to COPY ME and buy the same hand cream.
Because of his whining and moaning, Elm and I gave in and took L to the phone case stand (just kidding) which was neither “cute” nor anything of the sort. We spent a while finding the case for L, who was undercharged for it. However, being the CHEAP-SKATE that he is, L needed to save that precious £1 and thought that he was getting himself a bargain. (he wasn’t)
After a long while of painfully killing our feet (walking uphill,) the Lunch hour dawned upon us, and despite it being Sunday, for some reason, the WHOLE WORLD decided to flock to said town we were visiting and have lunch. We walked for HALF AN HOUR, trying—and failing (more than usual)—to find somewhere where three desperate people could sit and eat.
In the end, Costa saved us. (Yes, we went to about three in the space of five and a half hours. We don’t have a problem. That works out to—thanks to the mathematics of the wondrous Llama King L—one Costa shop every hour and 50 minutes.)
The rest of the afternoon flew by. We wandered some more, literally digging a grave for our feet as we just. kept. walking. and. gosh. they. hurt. so. much. but it was fabulous, so it’s worth it. I think that we bumped into about 1000 poles and the Dangerous Elm INTENTIONALLY whacked an INNOCENT, LITTLE, DEFENCELESS, CHILD which she did NOT apologise to at all (jk she felt really bad, bless that ol’ grandma.)
Anyway, ANOTHER Costa saved us—well, mainly our feet this time—and we ordered drinks and sat for the remainder of our time together, talking about this that and the other. Hang on. . . I seriously can’t remember. . . Oh well. . . I’m sure it wasn’t that important.
About an hour into meeting, my phone decided that it wanted to start mimicking Jesus again—hence why my phone is now called Jesus 2.0—and died and then decide it didn’t want to be dead any more after spending FOUR hours on 1%. So as we wandered, my phone was having a little fit—I’m not sure that this is normal behaviour for a phone, if I’m honest, but hey ho. It seems that my coat pocket (stab at L for getting it wrong) has the God-like quality of resurrection.
However, time was being a bitch, and came around all too quickly, and it was time for us to part. After taking a bunch of really flattering photos (on Elm’s behalf) where a certain individual looks like they are baring their teeth, giving them a new nick-name of Lion Cub. (It’s a great photo.) We had a big group hug where we basically all got squished and probably looked SO strange, but it was great, so who actually gaf? As we parted, I was pretty sure that we were ALL close to tears, but I decided to NOT look like a weirdo as I strolled down the high street (ALONE, AT THIS POINT).
I saw the bus stop, so I walked to it and then I couldn’t work out what it was saying because of all the numbers in the confusing grid and it saying “not running at this time” at various points in the annoying-grid-thing, and there was no clarity as to WHERE THE BUSSES WERE GOING.
So Jesus 2.0 was deciding not to resurrect at this time long enough to be of any use WHATSOEVER. And I was sad because Elm and L left, and I was speed-walking down the high street stopping at ALL THREE bus stops with even less understanding than before. So I approach the big bus station with about 1000 bus stops and find one that says my lil village in the destination (which I shall not share to remain anonymous-ish). I sat on the about-to-collapse-bench and hoped it wouldn’t break and sit in the really chilly bus terminal thing like a sad loner 🤣 😭. But ahhhh.
What an eventful, amazing, fabulous day with the spectacular Elm and just-about-lovable-L. Thank you guys so much for coming down to my neck of the woods to spend the day with lil ol’ me! It was so wonderful and I would love to do it again sometime because it was just stupendous, spectacular and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and I don’t think I have had such a great day in agesssss.
Ahh it was just such a great day and I guess I won’t get to 1,500 words like some people (cough cough L) and yeah. . . I think I’ve used up all the words in my brain that encompass how great it was. Thank you again so so much. Love you both!