a messed up encounter

this weekend was probably the worst.

my dad had come back from cornwall (5 hours of driving) to see my sister and i with his girlfriend. they picked me up, and we went to pick up my sister from her work meeting. but the meeting was over-running. my dad got so impatient, and was blaming my sister the entire time, saying that she should stand up to her boss and leave, (even though she couldn’t because she works at ASK Italian and the menu was changing and had to sample the new dishes. she physically had to be there) and proceeded to get very annoyed and impatient. no matter what i said, he would not stop and it made me so mad. he wouldn’t listen, and there was nothing that i could do.

he started saying how he’d driven for 5 hours to have lunch with us and how my sister should be more respectful to him and leave her meeting (and therefore be disrespectful to  her boss) and say how she had to meet someone who had driven 5 hours to be there.

it’s like everything is about him, him, him. and it made me so angry.

but what made it worse was that once an hour was nearly up, he wouldn’t stop going on about how we’d been there an hour and that my sister should again say this to her boss so she could leave. then, he sent a text saying that she needed to get to the car because we would leave once we’d been there an hour (because he’s an impatient prick).

she responded with “i’ll be there in literally 5 minutes” and once those 5 minutes were up my dad started the car and started heading out of town. when we were nearly out of my village, sending a text to my sister saying “we’ve gone” which made me so fucking mad. she then called, asking where we were and he turned around and went to get her.

when we drove past her (to turn around) he said “she looks very distraught” but didn’t leave it at that. he went on to say “i can’t say that she should have been more respectful to me now, can i?” (rhetorically). when my sister got in the car, on the verge of tears, he didn’t even say hello, only once I had and his girlfriend had, and said it so horribly.

my sister then went on to cry and he didn’t fucking apologise and i couldn’t even comfort her because of these bloody boxes on the middle seat. my dad still didn’t apologise. then, when we arrived in the town where the restaurant was he jut pretended like he hadn’t been a complete asshole and like it never even fucking happened.

fair enough, he’d waited an hour, but he didn’t have to be such an ass about it.

i just couldn’t believe he was being such an ass.  i couldn’t believe he was acting like that.

the whole thing made me so mad and so sad at the same time and for the first time i really hated him. i couldn’t stand the sight of him and i so nearly left the car and probably should have done that. how he expected everyone to respect him all the time, and how he expected my sister so walk out of a work meeting when her boss is horrible and wouldn’t permit her to is so unrealistic and impossible. he kept making it all about him. how he’d driven for 5 hours. how he was waiting (like he was the only one sitting in the car waiting). how he should be respected. and in that moment i was so angry about how he’d moved away and everything that he’d done. and how he’d started what could have been a great time so horribly and made everything suck in general.

and the whole thing made me feel disgusted. at him, and at myself for not standing up to him about it better when i really should have.

and i dont think that i can be bothered to even try anymore. things have gone wrong with him over and over again and even thinking about it makes me feel disgusted. i’ll probably feel different later, and forgive him even when he hasn’t apologised and will never even think that he has something to apologise for. because he thinks he’s so bloody perfect and he knows best.

when i told my friend what happened, and some other things that had happened over the years, she asked “how are you not fucked up already?” and said how anyone else in my position who had had everything that’s happened to me happen to them, would be totally messed up, unstable and doing drugs.

i don’t even know how im not totally psycho and a complete mess by now. oh, wait, i am.

 

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16 thoughts on “a messed up encounter

  1. My dad treated me like garbage when I was growing up. Absolute garbage. So I understand.
    As we get older, we see our parents in a new light. We see their flaws and their attitudes. We see through them. We still love them, and that’s what makes it worse.
    I still have a relationship with my father, but I can’t live with him. Friends said the same thing to me and I did eventually turn to drugs. Promise me you’ll never go down that path bc it only makes it worse. But I can empathize bc I was right where you are with a father who was (and is) an asshole.
    Sending my love! 😘

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much, Steph! I would never turn to drugs, but I just don’t know how my life turned to shit so fast. it seems like when I was younger I didn’t know any of this, and i was ignorant of everything and it was so much easier. Thank you so much for your support, you’re so wonderful xxx

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I’m here anytime you want to talk. Had parents on meth and my dad was never home, and when he was he was super nice or super mean. My mom took my sis and bro but left me behind in the divorce. It was my dad and I for years…and it was a horrible time. I thankfully had school as an escape. If I didn’t have books and homework I would have fallen apart. Later, when I didn’t have that, i turned to drugs.
      Bend my ear anytime!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so so sorry to hear how horrible your trip went. Your Dad (I don’t mean to sound disrespectful in any way!) sounds so horrible…is he always like that? Lots of hugs to you, and your sister. I hope you’re both somewhat ok now😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Believe me lovely, I know what it is like to have people like your father in your life. I didn’t have one of the best or easiest childhoods, and when I tell people about they also ask me how I’m not messed up from it. Well, in some ways I am and they are issues I guess I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. But I also feel proud of myself because I’m a strong person and I know how NOT to act. And that will be the same for you too 🙂 You see how your dad acts and know that it’s not a good way to act or a good way to treat people. Sending lots of hugs your way xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this, it means so much! Yes, i think if my father has taught me anything so far it is how not to act and to treat people with more decency than he does.
      Hugs xx

      Liked by 1 person

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