We’re getting test results back, and despite getting 97% on a History exam, they gave me a Grade 6, which is equivalent to a B in old grades. This is because my target is a 6, and therefore, I have to prove not once, but 3 more times that I am capable of achieving a higher grade than 6.
Of course, this is understandable, but does the fact that I got 97% on a test that I studied so long for not prove that I’m capable of getting above a 6? I got an 8 (97%/A*). Does that not show that I should have not even got a 7? Should I really be limited by my target grade? How come they aren’t letting me exceed it? Two other people had the same mark as me and got the 8. We all dropped one mark of the same question yet they get two marks higher than me. The guy has a target of a 7, yet, he was still awarded the 8. What makes me not good enough to get an 8, too?
The teacher wrote on my paper “see me about grade”. This is when she explained that I couldn’t possibly get an 8, as I wasn’t good enough on my last test to have my target moved up to a 7 to enable me to get an 8 on this test. They are basically limiting me from showing ANY progress on my report (which are given out tomorrow) and make it seem like I’m not achieving anything.
And this lack of evidence that I’m not making progress means that my parents don’t believe it either and think that I’m doing shit all at school. Despite what EVERYONE says, they want me to get A* in everything like my sister did. I see their disappointment when I don’t get an 8 or 9 (A*/A**). For example, I got a 7 on one English test, and an 8 on the other, and when I said that I got a 7 on one, I could literally see my mother’s face drop and she said: “Well, that leaves room for improvement.”
Prior to getting my grade back, I’d had a careers meeting about what to take at college, where I’d said how much I liked history, despite finding it a challenge sometimes and how I’m thinking of studying it further (i.e. at college,) and to hear that I “wasn’t good enough” was so horrible. It’s like she was saying, “Don’t even bother thinking about taking this at college, you won’t do well”. Now, that just makes me question everything. What if, despite doing well on some tests for subjects that I want to take at college, I don’t do well in them and then end up with shit A levels?
So now, I dread getting my results back, going to parents evening on Thursday, where my mum will be told every single grade that I get, and hear from my teachers how I’m not good enough. And then, on the way home, my mother will repeat this in her own way, without saying the words “not good enough”, but find 100 ways to say it anyway.
And in half term, when I see my dad, he’ll also say how my science grades aren’t good enough, and how I should focus more during science and maths lessons despite getting 7/A*, and make them my priorities over subjects that I love, like graphics. He’ll tell me over and over again that I need to get better grades to pursue high-pay jobs, like engineering, even if that isn’t what I want to do when I’m older.
I know that it’s all a while off, and I have time to improve, and I’m only in year 10, but it just sucks. I think I’m making a bigger deal of this than I need to because of other things that are happening, which I really want to avoid at the moment. I don’t know.