I haven’t written a post like this in a while.
The comment that my mother made only made the feeling that I’m falling apart again stronger.
It wasn’t something new. It was a reoccurrence of something that I thought had gone away. The comments of my weight. “You’ve lost weight again Luce,” and when I tried to say something, “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing— you’ve lost weight.”
I’d had these comments since I was 12. It wasn’t new. And the anxiety about my weight had started even before then. And my mother knows this. And my mum knows that. But she doesn’t know that every time she says something about it, it makes me feel awful.
Does she think that I didn’t look okay before? That I needed to lose weight before? I just hate being so insecure about my weight. And every time that I get okay with it, there’s something to knock me back, a comment, a look. Or something hits another insecurity.
why can’t I just be okay with myself.
sometimes I feel like I’m going to fall apart, and for good this time.
I’m so sick of feeling like a wreck. And I just don’t even know why sometimes.