HOW TO RECOMMEND BOOKS THE ‘IT’S LU AGAIN’ WAY FT. BRIBERY + THREATS AND OTHER SCARY METHODS.

I FORCE PEOPLE TO READ BOOKS IN A FRIENDLY WAY. IT’S ENTIRELY FOR THIER BENEFIT. (ha no).

The school term may have begun for some you, or is a looming presence in your not-so-distant future, BUT I went back to school today. URGH.

And with school comes people, and with people comes friends, and with friends comes the opportunity to get them to read your faves from the summer. AND AN INTROVERTS WORST NIGHTMARE.

And what better than a post on how to do so?*

*Don’t answer that. This is probably not going to be very helpful.

BRIBE WITH CAKE OR OTHER SWEET FOODS. CAKE IS ALWAYS BEST. 

Who wouldn’t want cake? I personally think that this is a GREAT choice.

My friends would read 10 books if it meant they got cake.

Are your friends not like this?

DO YOUR FRIENDS NOT LIKE CAKE? WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEM. 

I’m not telling you to get new friends . . . but you should think abut it.

On a more serious note. Who dislikes cake? JOKING. I’M NOT.

I would read a book in exchange for cake. Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you?!?

THE TALK-ABOUT-IT-24/7-METHOD WHERE YOU TALK ABOUT IT NON-STOP UNTIL THEY READ IT. 

BUG THEM CONSTANTLY.

This would TOTALLY work for me if I wasn’t already a book worm in some crazy upside-down, inside-out parallel universe. If someone was yapping an about it I would either, 1) slap them (gently) and tell them to shush, 2) stop being friends with them, or, 3) GET IT OVER AND DO WHAT THEY SO THAT THEY SHUT THE HELL UP.

There’s a chance it will work. AND WE MUST TAKE IT, SOLDIERS.*

I talk about books on here 24/7 and sometimes people say “omg yeah I need to read this book” or something and say that a miracle occurred and what I wrote in a review made them want to read the book *HEART EXPLODES* and it genuinely makes me so incredibly happy when someone says that. SO CLEARLY TALKING ABOUT BOOKS 24/7 WORKS. 

*just what… is this.

THREATEN WITH KNIVES.

It’s a dangerous approach. But you can’t deny it would be effective.

IT WOULD

SOLDIERS! CHOOSE YOUR WEAPONS:

Now my search history looks really dodgy. Well. . . anyones would when you type “knives” into google and then click on the  “badass” category.

If your friends refuse yo read your fave books from the summer just take one of these out of your coat** all gangster-like and give them a little peep of that shiny blade and BAM they’ll read that book for sure!

**Maybe don’t carry knives in public. But you never know when you might need one to cut your pomegranate or biltong, or apple so. . .

FORCE THEM TO READ IT.

Literally hold you book in front of them and turn the pages for them and everything. OR READ THE BOOK TO THEM. Give them no choice mwahahahahaha now they must read it mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa *evil laugh echoes*

Just think about how great your biceps would get???? Damn, dem muscles!! It would be highly rewarding for you, and the person you’re trying to get to read the book. Because 1) they would be blessed but the book 2) you would become ripped 3) the world would be happy 4) you wouldn’t have to use knives.

This is a great suggestion if all the others didn’t work.

EVIL ME: BUT THE KNIVES WOULD WORK!!!! I PROMISE THEY WOULD WORK!!!

It would take AGES, but it would work eventually.

EVIL ME: Knives would have made it a looooottt quicker. Just saying. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO ME???????????? IM SANE!!!!!! 

ASK REALLY NICELY.

PLEASE????????

PAHAHAH ASKING NICELY WHAT IS THIS

Not going to lie. This is maybe the only logical suggestion here????? NO. I MUST NOT DOUBT THE OTHERS.

I think that asking nicely is just. . . FOR AMATEURS. You’re basically asking someone if you can do them a MASSIVE FAVOUR BY MAKING ASKING THEM TO READ A GREAT BOOK.

This would work. They may “nicely” say no, *swiftly takes out 568275 knives and threatens*

Yep. This wouldn’t work*.

*the knives wound though.

HUG THEM UNTIL THEY READ IT SO YOU LET GO.

Again. this would work brilliantly.

They would literally have to agree for you to let go. And people generally aren’t as huggy as I am so they probably don’t want to be hugged for more than a few hours/days without a break***

However. . .  if they don’t start reading it pretty soon after. . . *takes out knives* hug them again. For longer this time. 

***I knowwww they’re soooooo weird.

Do you recommend books to your friends? Do they read? What are your methods? 

LUUUUUUUUU