HOW NOT TO DIE WHILE READING ||TIPS & TRICKS OF THE TRADE (bc to not die of feels you need some serious #help).

Pfftttttttttt. Not dying. . . what?! There’s no hope. . .

I mean… sure there is. . . totally.

I’m definitely not writing this after reading book that tore my heart out and smushed it up and trampled all over the remains while I wait idly by… noooo… WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. The Empress of the Galaxies has NO weakness. NOO. I am here to help you humans possess 0 emotions at all like moi.*

I just… WEAKNESS cannot be shown. Negl. . . crying at books is one of the best things bc well.. IT MEANS THAT THE BOOK IS BRILLIANT.

*I literally cry all the time at books.. . 

So heres she tips to not go to Heaven™/ Hell™ (depending on your life choices. . . )

JUST DON’T READ

I KNOW. . . I can’t believe that this is even an option… it’s the only way that you can totally avoid this entire situation (or so the weaklings say…)

But pfft who would do this???? WE CAN’T JUST STOP BREATHINGGGGGG??? OKAY??? How would we survive?? This is like trubg to make a cakes fly.. . or be more delicious IT JUST ISN’T POSSIBLE.

So yeah,  whoever wrote / suggested this needs to come up with better ideas… tut tut tut. . . 

ERRR POINT TWO… BE AN EMOTIONLESS WORRIER THAT HAD EMOTION TRAINED OUT OF THEM WHEN THEY WERE 4. . .

So if you’re like me… you’ll feel nothing about anything ever. Well.. .only anger as you smite and burn your enemies to cinders.. but that’s about it. It’s the PERFECT solution. I FEEL NOTHINNNNGGG when A BELOVED (ha don’t even love the characters… I feel THAT little emotion. . .) CHARACTER DIES. OF COURSE I FELL NOTHING. 

NOTHING. 

WHY WOULD YOU SUGGEST OTHERWISE???

DARE THE CHALLENGE ME????? I ART EMPRESS OF THE GALAXIES. (this is incorrect but *hair flick* I don’t care)

READ BBOOKS WITH NO CHARACTERS TO GET ATTACHED TO. 

Like.. go read a cook book or something. actually. . . knowing me. . . if I come across a cake recipe I would probably fall in love with the photos of the cake*. BUT for you normal  humans, I’m sure that a cook book would be the perfect fit for you!

*no whattt.. I HAVE NO EMOTIONS.

However, be warned. Affects of reading a cook book:

• May experience more feelings of hunger than usual.
• Could possibly fall asleep while reading.
• 40% chance of boredom.
• Could never want to cook again. Hiring a chef may be expensive —> potential bankruptcy.
• Could become a professional chef.
• May never actually feel things from a book ever again (yay you made it!!)

Doesn’t should like a bad idea tbh. * “potential bankruptcy” *

EAT OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS TO BANISH YOUR OWN.

13/10 recommend. 12/10 success rate. No lie. I do this all the time. JUST ensure that the feelings you eat don’t belong to the characters, may result in feeling emotional. 

Mates, I had to edit this frame by freaking frame.

OR. . . YOU COULD JUST DIE OF FEELS ANYWAY. . . 

I mean… that’s what I do. . . I mean noooo I FEEL NO EMOTION WHATSOEVER!!! I JUST DO. . . Let’s not even lie here. We all get emotional sometimes quite a bit of the time.  Crying over a book is the BEST THING because: crying over a book = connecting with the book = liking it = crying more = loving itttttttttt!

Basically all me, summed up, when I’m reading a book that I love but with a lot more tears. . .

Chat with me about how you survive!!

Luuuuuu