As everyone should know by now from reading my blog*, bookworms are an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SPECIES.
Right now I’m about to spill all the juicy secrets that you need to know to survive while talking to a VOLATILE BOOKWORM.
Communicating with bookworms is a highly TECHINCAL and STRESSFUL endevour. Everything you say is LITERAL and you have to be CAREFUL around us. Bookwormds are creatures that are prone to lying to themself inorder to insanely tellthemseves that they are infact, sane.**
So, here I will be chucking my wisdom at you, what to say (in order to not die!) and the “average”*** bookworm response.
*BC EVERYONE READS MY BLOG NOW. HAA. LOL. NO. **We’re really not, jsut a heads up. ***NOTE: EVERY BOOKWORM IS A UNIQUE SUNFLOWER (that can kill you) AND THEY ALL HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. . .
LIE #1: “Just one more chapter. . .”
yeah. . . we all know this ROOKIE lie.
No bookworm has that much self control. Just NO. Maybe after you finsh the book. . . and then one more after that you might take a 4 minute nap before you start reading again. . .but pffttttt “ONE more chapter”??? NO.
JUST. NO. PFFFT.
At this point, you might want to tell the bookworm:
- “Okay.” –> compliance is the easiest option at this moment in time as the book worm is subtly volatile.
- *nod* –> simlple, effective.
- “Sure, okay” –> no sarcasm, at all. THE BOOKWORM WILL DETECT THIS.
- “Of course” –> again, sarcasm will be noticed.
- “Why don’t you just finish the book?” –> this shows that not only do you understand the bookworm (unlike MANY HUMANS), but that you also support the bookworm in thier reading. This will lead to the bookworm (potentially) NOT smiting you in future due to any emotions that they may feel in the book.
*tips hat* *bows* Y-O-U-R-E W-E-L-C-O-M-E.
LIE #2: “Pft. Who needs a book anyway. . .”
Often, in times of a slump, this will be said. NOW. It’s VITAL that you track the emotions of the bookworm as the bookworm IS AN EMOTIONAL MINE FIELD. Any missteps can lead in serious consequences.
Key things to note: emotions are high. Tears easily brought on.
What you might like to say:
- “Give it time” –> SHOWING SUPPORT = BOOKWORM WILL LIKE YOU. They may also calm down a smidge.***
- “But you love reading!!” –> This will remind the bookworm of their love for reading. They will remember this and repay you with (A) FANGIRLING (B) HUGS (C) CAKE. ****
- Nothing is another good option, tbh.
What not to say:
- “Yeah you read enough anyway. . .” –> #Instant Smiting.
- “Yeah books suck” –> #You’reReallyNotDoingYourselfAnyFavours. . .
- “I don’t know why you read somuch anyways. . .” –> are you literally trying to remove this bookworm from your life? Because, you’re doing a grand job there darling.
- Any kind of agreement. –> Yeah. They wont be happy with you.
***PFT NO WE ARE NEVER CALM.**** “(C) CAKE” OMG LITERALLY GOALS RIGHT THERE PEOPLE.
LIE #3: “I only need books. . .”
The bookworm species also tend to spend all their money on books. Now. while I 100%, 12/10, agree with spending all your money on books and it making me REALLY HAPPY, there are some drawbacks. Like, needing things that you then cannot afford.
But, yet, we still feel like this. . .:
Things to say:
- “Actually, I’ll buy you books this time. Then you can buy other things (more books. . .)” –> THEY WILL LOVE YOU. #InstantAdoration.
- “Do you need a hand picking out books?” –> SHOWING SUPPORT (like above) -> they will literally cherish you for this.
Things not to say:
- “You buy far too many books. . .” –> (1) no (2) this affects you how exactly??
- “You dont need any more books. . .” –> er yes I do
- “You already have unread books at home. . .” –> and your point is???
- “You’re wasting your money.” –> do u mind. . .
- “You do NOT need any more books. . .” –> You do NOT need oxygen today. (YES, WE CAN CONTROL THAT KINDA THING. . . )
- “Do you though?” –> do you really want a punch tho?
- “Hmmmn. . . no” –> Hmmmmmm go away.
- “Hmn, didn’t you read a book last week tho?” –> Mate, I read 378532 books yesterday. . .
- “Seriously, how much money are you spending on books?”–> ALL MY MONEY, OKAY?
- “Do you really need that many books?” –> ??? R U ON DRUGS?
- “Is all you do sit and read?” –> I also breathe, and eat THANK YOU. I also occasoinally smite a planet or two. . .
- “Do you really think that’s best” –> YES I DO, OKAY. GO AWAY.
[AS YOU CAN TELL. . . I’VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A LOT…]
#I’mNotBITTER, nooooo. . . .
LIE #4: “I’ll just start this book now, it’s a great idea. . . ” [00:01]
Bookworms have this thing with being nocturnal and I’m pretty sure that I am an owl (BEACAUSE I’M SO WISE. . . I DONT STAY UP TILL 4:30AM READING. . . NO. . .).
UM. YES. Bookworms are magical beings that don’t actually need sleep. No matter if they have commitments the following morning (like more reading. . . or breathing) THEY WILL STAY UP AND READ.
Now. Give that you are not with them and they say to you “I was up so late reading my book last night!” a couple things you could say are:
- “Good book?” –> bookworms LOVE talking about books.
- “Ohh! How much did you read?” –> Again, bookworms love talking about reading LOADS.
- “Damn, that must be a really good book. . .” –> This will then allow for the bookworm to talk about the book that they’re loving and then bookworm = happy.
sensing a theme here??? JUST LET THEM TALK ABOUT IT.
A few things that maybe you should’t say (if you want to continue having a pleasant day):
- “You read FAR TOO much” –> there’s no much thing. LIAR.
- “That’s just irresponsible. . . ” –> your opinion mate. . .
- “NOW YOU’RE GOING TO BE SHATTERED ALL DAY!!”****–> no.. i got 4 hours sleep, I’m fine.
- “Well that was stupid. . . ” –> seriously, who need this?
- “You’re makingt terrible life choices. . .” –> just rude. IT’S ACTUALLY PROVEN THAT READING INCREASES INTELLIEGENCE AND ALSO EMOTIONAL INTELIGENCE SO HANG ON AND PATIENTLY WAIT WITH ME FOR THAT TO KICK IN, OKAY.
****THIS HAPPENED TO ME. . . like someone shouted this at me. . . #NotBitter. . .
LIE #5: “I’ll just LOOK at books on the internet. . . I wont buy any. . .”
fear the next few hours. We, at this stage, are prone to squealing over new realeases that we see AS WELL AS having NO CONTROL and a lot of clickclickclickclick and adding 237532583 books to our onilne basket / cart.
We arent’t “just looking”, we’re literally buying all the books off of amazon. I HAVE TO ACUTALLY AVOID AMAZON to stop myself being broke
again now that I have money.
Things to say:
- Actually, just leave, pls.
Things to not say:
- “Really? Again?” –> s-h-u-s-h
- “What’s the purpose of looking at books though?” –> SERIOUSLY. THEY’RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND YOU CANNOT TELL ME OTHERWISE I LOVE THEM THEY ARE PRETTIER THAN U.
- “You’re just going to end up buying some. . . ” –> OKAY WE KNOW. But Bookworms like to think that they have some kind of resemblance of slef control, okay? They need this more than fantasy needs more dragons*****. We also like to pretend that we dont always lie to oursleves, think that we prioritise “more imporant” things like. . . education. . . over reading. DO YOU NOT GET THIS.
- “That’s a bad idea. . . ” –> obviously, you need help BECAUSE LOOKING AT BOOKS IS A GREAT IDEA.
****LITERALLY WHERE ARE THE DRAGONS IN FANTASY??
HONOURABLE MENTIONS. . .
LIE #6: “Reading relaxes me. . .”
IT’S NOT LIKE WE REPEATEDLY DIE??? FUN, I KNOW
LIE #7: “My TBR pile is SO UNDER CONTROL. . .”
IT’S NOT LIKE WE HAVE DREAMS OF IT CRUSHING US. . .
LIE #8: “PFFFT NOOOO I haven’t actually hurt my arms from carrying lots of books. . .”
Literally I do this all the time. WHO NEEDS P.E??
LIE #9: “I don’t secretly think that these characters are real. . . and living in some corner of the earth. . .”
LIE #10: “I don’t need new bookshelves. . .”
#Always. HARRY POTTER REFENCES (LOL STILL HAVENT READ ALL THE BOOKS SOZ)
What lies have YOU told yourself?? DO YOU ALSO TELL YOURSELF THESE LIES? Let me know!