HUGE RANT: Romance Tropes That Need To Burn In A Firey Pit ft. Picky Book Blogger Pettiness.

Watch me as I trash one of my favourite things in bitterness… 

I GET IT. IT’S NOT VALENTINES DAY ANYMORE. BUT I’M STILL BITTER.

If I’m honest, romance right now can just burn. Literally. Set it on bonfire fire — right in the middle. Throw it into a forest fire. Add it to a firework then set it off so it can explode before me. Just make it burn furiously. Someone kill it. KILL IT WITH A TWIG. BRANCH. SWORD. MACE. CLUB. SHOTGUN. CANON*. JUST MAKE IT GOOOO.

Okay, so despite me saying all of this I actually quite like romance in books. My heart often likes being smashed to pieces with a hammer from time to time with a good ol’ bit of romance.

JUST. Sometimes**, I just, can’t STAND IT? Sometimes there are just moments where it’s too unrealistic, or they argue all the time and I’m just screaming “BREAK UP ALREADY!!” or it’s just too damn consuming or unhealthy. OR FARRRRRR TOO MUSHY AND HOW DARE THEY BE HAPPY AND INFECTIOUS.

Posts about other tropes here: BOOK TROPES: WHICH DO WE BURN OR EMBRACE?

*I’m running out of weapons… **by this I mean: A LOT OF THE TIME.

The Love triangle

Our good terrible ol’ friend the love triangle! Oh, how I loathe thee!

Okay, I actually don’t just SO MUCH of the time they’re done poorly, or so SO stereotypically that I want to eradicate them from this earth.

The stereotypes: 

1. one will be super sweet and one will be a bad-boy.
2. it’s usually 2 guys over a girl.
3. that girl is usually “average” that’s actually a dull bucket of nothing interesting *cough*twilight*cough* yet TWO people are SO in love with her and trying to win over her boring heart.
4. She’s usually SO in love with one of them and so incredibly slow to see this and is just stringing along the other one.
5. OR better yet, she wants to be “FRIENDS” with the other one, I mean, honey you just kinda trampled on his lil heart by picking the other guy so,.. I think that’s a firm no. 

…I’ve actually enjoyed these terror-creatures in the past. For example, in The Infernal Devices*, or perhaps even the one at the start of The Mortal Instruments** … these are all Cassandra Clare wow. NOW I SEE WHY… but what I’m saying is that was fetus Lu!! more-grown Lu doesn’t like these anymore***. THEY’RE BAD!!

… But now I just scream “PICK ONE ALREADY YOU SILLY, PUNY HUMAN.”

… LIKE THIS WOULD REALLY HAPPEN THOUGH?? NO!! I don’t know about you, but I’d be lucky if one person liked me, let alone TWO people loving me.

*this one broke me **I just laugh, Simon, bless. . .  *** Why am I speaking in the third person? 

Instalove

This is legitimately the most annoying. How does this seriously happen in real life? I mean, just how. I just don’t get it okay? It’s actually a tad infuriating how they can just aimlessly chuck their feelings into the “I love you” bucket after knowing them for 5 minutes.

is. it. even. real?

It doesn’t make sense!!!

Or maybe it’s just me that doesn’t have any emotions after about 2 seconds of knowing someone… hmmm. Discussion: is lu emotionless or is it just YA MCs that think they’re “soulmates” after 3 seconds?

(Tbh I think it’s the latter but who am I to judge).

All your problems are now solved!!!

   This annoys me to NO end.

When someone tries to “fix” the mental health of another I just combust in fury. Or when they have to “push it aside” because the other doesn’t want to “deal” with it I just want to STAB them furiously and I’m really not a violent person* BECAUSE THEN THEY DON’T LOVE YOU!! I just want to SCREAM. READ THIS IN A SCREAMY VOICE BECAUSE I’M MADDDDDDDDDDD. *side note: I love puppies*

OR. They just act like they never had any issues in the first place and act like they’re 1000% fine with everything and then they don’t talk about it and I just sit there protesting in my head (and sometimes via stabbing the page with my sharp nail that I use to stab my enemies) because IF YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS… or maybe I’m just so bad at relationships and this is a no-no?

*you may have thought differently from the into to this post…

Kinda like insta-love but…”omg we’re SOULMATES”

YES, DRAGONS ARE A THING. BUT SOULMATES? Nah.

Can this just burn? Yes. Oh, wonderful.

I get it when there is the whole “soulmates” thing in a fantasy book, and if the whole concept has been made into the world building. However, I’m still not a great fan because I feel like a good excuse for them to be together is that they’re “soulmates” and it’s not ACTUALLY about the compatibility of the two characters. And most of the time, the whole “soulmates” thing just takes over the rest of the book sometimes???

… but in contemporaries where they start acting like they’re “made for each other” I just… I just burn inside and decompose in angst.

And this just makes me SO angry because you know what honey, you’re just being silly and you’re in HIGHSCHOOL for Pete’s sake and you’re probably going to end up breaking up pretty damn soon… or a love triangle will hop on along and make everything BURN.

*smashes something with a hummer until there is only dust remaining*

that overly mushy couple

Stop. Rubbing. Your. Happiness. In. My. Face. I. Get. It.

I honestly take this as a personal attack.

Choosing love interest before friends ALL THE TIME

Fair enough, once or twice. But if they’re just all about them and their boyfriend then sorry, but they’re just being a b*itch.

When the narrative becomes them basically obsessing over the love interest.

Sorry, but the book isn’t called “a narrative of obsession over this person’s boy/girlfriend”. 1) that’s too long and has no ring to it unlike.. idk A THOUSAND PERFECT NOTES, 2) If that was the title, then who in their right mind would read it? it just sounds BORING & 3) obsessing over a boy/girlfriend is such an IMMATURE thing to do people would actually just STAB it n the bookstore without even looking what it’s meant to be about.

Why do authors bother with romance since we book bloggers can never be satisfied?

Romances that I’ve actually enjoyed *gasp*: 

Mini Appreciation to these in particular: Turtles all the way down, OF COURSE THE RELATIONSHIP OF BLUESY but then also in THUG: because I think that with the topic of the book, I think that the relationship was handled really well and it wasn’t all about the romance but it did show possible problems in relation to the topic that it discussed!! AND THEN OF COURSE KAZ AND INEJ. (AND YES THERE ARE NO SHADOWHUNTER BOOKS BECAUSE THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY BOOKS AND TOO MANY SHIPS FOR ME TO SCREAM ABOUT!!)

Chat with me: what romance tropes do you think need to burn? Which do you like? Any of these? Do you like any of the tropes that I mentioned here? What general tropes do you think are awful? Do you like any of the romances that I mentioned here? What are some of your fvourite ships? Let me know! 

Luuuuu