M-I-A: Monthly Wrap up/Catch Up, 1300 Followers (?!?!), Screaming, Blog Design/Name Changes, Poetry, Rambling, Some… Er… News.

Waddup.

Who’s writing a post for the first time this month?? Who’s having a day off for the first time this month?? Who is sleep deprived?? Who has not read a book??? Who is dramatic??

oh look.. it’s me.

AND, OH MY, HOW I MISS BLOGGING.

(and you guys too i guess… *eye roll to help my pretence*)

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So I’m pretty sure that school is draining the life out of me faster than I can recover, I feel like a legitimate zombie and that’s the only explanation for my urge to eat brains and hope it makes me smarter… B/c, of course, I AM NOT STRESSING AT ALL.

I’ve pretty much been studying from 9AM-6PM every weekday?? And then 6 hours each day of the weekend… and you could say that it is catching up with me a little. But it’s chill. It’s chill. IT’S SO NT CHILL IM COLLAPSING.

so, what happened this month?

  • So maybe this was last month? I can’t remember? But I saw Love, Simon in the cinema and I’m still in recovery. Did I like it more than the book… yea… sorry not sorry tho. It tore my heart out. Leah was tolerable. I actually didn’t want to punch her throughout the entire movie *raises fists to book-Leah*. Did the ships kill me again though? 3257% yes they did. Hear that huge BOOM? Yeah sorry for that disturbance… that was my heart breaking/exploding/ceasing to exist. It’s chill.
  • I’m actually pretty sure that was last month…
  • urgh cba to delete that.
  • I DONT KNOW WHEN THAT ^^ HAPPENED BUT IT HAPPENED AND I’M HAPPY ABOUT IT.
  • I don’t think that anything really happened this month if I’m being honest.
  • I’ve just been on the sleep-eat-work-eat-work-eat-sleep routine ft. Lil Stress.
  • throw in a mild freak-out bop.
  • GUYS.
  • I make grabby hands at every book that I see.
  • This is not okay.
  • I am not okay.
  • THE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS ARE TOO STRONGGGGG.
  • It’s so chill… I’m basically an ice cube.
  • IT’S nOT LIKE EXAMS START IN TWO WEEKS OR ANYTHING I SCREAM.

3 Bouquet

blog updates? 

Oh, look!! I posted… nothing!!

And it was honestly like a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I think that I would be genuinely deceased if I had attempted to blog as well as my current work routine. That would have literally pushed me over the edge.

I’ve said this in prev posts but.. I still really am sorry that I haven’t been checking your guys’ posts out. I feel HORRIBLE that I haven’t because I love this community so so much and I love to give back to you guys and show that I care by supporting you guys like you support me.

I’m just a legitimate mess, bundle of stress, and genuinely hate that I don’t have time to be active on here and show you guys that.

I’ve been trying to show my appreciation by blessing your eyes with my adorable cat on my twitter, but if you haven’t seen her then… here she is:

  • 1300 FOLLOWERS???

Can I thank you guys for this^^^??

This is amazing and I just want to say thank you thank you thank you so much, every single one of you, you honestly mean so much to me and ahh I’m a SAP but you guys already knew that.

I just want to hug you all… 😥

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GUYSSSSSSSS. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

  • New theme/Name?

So.. because she’s amazing… ilsa has designed me some new blog designs for when I change the name of my blog (thank you again!!). They’re amazing and I cannot wait to share the designs with youuuu.

And when some rando blog called ‘A Storm Of Stardust and Words’ starts screeching on your posts and hyperventilating not-so-quietly in the corner know that it’s me yeah??

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writing?

I haven’t written anything from my WIPS in MONTHS. And that honestly HURTS, but rn… school is acting like a toddler in a tantrum and demands all my attention atm. Hopefully it will calm down soon. It better.

But!! I did write some poems and yeahh so here they are!!

They’re different than usual, so pls be gentle, but I’d love some constructive criticism if you have any ❤ ❤

Screenshot 2018-04-28 18.37.37 Screenshot 2018-04-28 18.39.46 Screenshot 2018-04-28 18.41.36

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Screenshot 2018-04-28 18.43.51

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SO YEAH.

I wrote those in the dead of night when i couldn’t sleep so they’re an accumulation of the byproduct of my brain being a mess™ for the billionth time this month week.

3 Bouquet

the.. er.. news?

I’m such an awkward person I swear. SO basically. I just want to get this out there. So this month ffbndfklg r.

I basically waltzed out of the closet this month to some of my friends this month, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve done because for so long I’ve had this internalised homophobia and I’ve always thought that it was something to hide, or to get rid of regarding to myself, even though with literally anyone else on the planet I would never have a problem with it, because it’s!! not!! a!! bad!! thing!!

And ever since accepting it to myself, and even telling a few people, I have never felt more me.

Gosh, why is this so hard.

I haven’t told my family. I want to, gosh, I’ve been so close to saying it so many times. But I have no idea how they’d react and.

And. I wanted to be able to say it.

And. I want to be able to scream it to more than three people.

And, I guess I was ready for the world to know but not my family, because while the internet can be a scary open space, the thought of this all going wrong with my family scares the hell out of me a lot more.

So yeah that got dfhgrjgew. So yeah that’s… that.

 

chat with me

I have literally no idea what to put here, this is the most awkward end to a post but i’m just going to go with it and pretend shit is fine. sending all you guys all the smily faces and hearts and hugs ❤ ❤ hope that you all  had a great monthhhhh, stay amazing 

40 thoughts on “M-I-A: Monthly Wrap up/Catch Up, 1300 Followers (?!?!), Screaming, Blog Design/Name Changes, Poetry, Rambling, Some… Er… News.”

  1. I’m so proud of you!!! Thank you for being so brave on the Internet and for slowly opening yourself up to the world more. No one deserves to have their light darkened. If you ever need anything, I’m here for support (as I’m sure your millions of fans feel, too).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congrats on coming out! That’s a huge step, and it’s a conversation you’ll have with your family when you’re ready.

    No one should have to blog and study for finals. That is too much for anyone! Just imagine all the shiny books you can read when you’re through it. Good luck with everything!

    Like

  3. Luuuu don’t feel horrible AT ALL for not being able to be active in the blogging community okay?? *hugs* It sounds like this is an incredibly busy and stressful time for you, so you definitely shouldn’t worry about blogging on top of that. Just focus on your studies and most importantly your health!! Don’t forget to take care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️
    Also so so proud and happy for you that you came out to your friends, and take your time with coming out to your family okay? Do it when you feel safe and ready ❤️❤️❤️ I didn’t think my mom would have a problem with me being bi, since she’s always been very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community and has never said anything to make me think otherwise, but I was still very nervous and didn’t even mean to come out (it just slipped out and thankfully it went fine) so it’s very understandable. Coming out is a big thing so it’s more than okay if you’re not ready to tell your family yet ok? *hugs*
    Also your poems!! They’re beautiful!! AND YOUR CAT!! ADORABLE
    Good luck with your exams and again don’t forget to take care of yourself!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Like

  4. oh my god oh my god oh my god. every time i think i can’t love you more you make a triumphant glorious return with the PERFECT LOVE, SIMON OPINIONS. the movie was better, book leah sucks, movie leah is much more okay, everything is wonderful and perfect and birds are singing and the sun is shining and all is right in the world.

    except HOW are you studying that much dear one?? that’s crazy. you’re so impressive (and also slightly worrisome). v glad you took a blogging break (even tho i missed your posts immensely)and that that made it slightly better ❤

    but most importantly: CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS. on 1300 yes but also mostly on coming out. you're amazing. i am so glad you're feeling you-er because you is the best and i love you and agsdhjasghdja AHHH. so good. ❤ ❤ ❤ i don't even know what to say but i'm so happy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omggg yes that movie is a shining beacon for all things smol and turning out okay in the end ❤ ❤ ❤ leah. ugh. *sad face*

      aww thank youuuuu, i missed you too!!

      i honestly don't know how I'm studying that much either??? oh well??? thank youuuuuuu thoooooo

      THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU SWEET CUPCAKE OF A HUMAN ❤ ❤ I LOVE YOU TOOOO ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. RIGHT MY CHILD I HAVE MISSED YOU AND I HAVE THINGS
    1. DO NOT APOLOGISE for posting and not interacting because you NEED to give yourself a break. You have STRESS AND WORK and you DO NOT need to feel an obligation to do anything when you don’t have the energy.
    2. THAT BLOG NAME OHMYGOD??? I CANNOT WAITTT
    3. So like can we talk about internalised -phobia sometime because I get that and I kind of just cried because I relate to that. And I think you’re FAB AND AM SO PROUD
    YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE QUEEN

    Like

  6. Oh it sounds like a busy month for you Lu, and kind of like school and exams are really taking it out of you too. I hope they’ll be over soon so you can do more than studying, but I’m sure all your hard work will pay off so keep at it because it’ll be worth it in the end (right?)
    Your cat is adorable, I just want to cuddle her, and oh I can’t wait to see your new designs either. I’m sure they’re incredible. 🙂
    Congrats on reaching 1300 followers and on waltzing out of the closet as well, both are amazing achievements. 🙂
    I hope you have a good May, and that it’s less stressful than your April seems to have been! 🙂 ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Congrats on your 1300 followers! That’s awesome!

    One thing I’ve learned in the past few years is that, sometimes, life is really annoying and gets in the way of what you really want to be doing. I’m at uni at the moment, and it’s getting towards the pointy end of the semester when there are literally assignments and group projects (ugh!) dripping out my eyes and ears and I JUST WANT TO READ BOOKS OR WORK ON MY WIPS DAMN IT!! So I totally get how you feel. But holidays come………eventually. Sometimes you’ve just gotta power through!

    Regarding your “other news”, good on you!! I remember when some of my own friends first came out they said it was easier with friends than with family, so I think that’s totally normal. To be a total cliche, you’ve just got to be true to yourself and do what makes you happiest/most comfortable, right? Best wishes ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Rebecca!!
      oHHH noo that’s horrible!! I hope that the rest of the semester passes as quickly as it can for you, and you get some time for your WIPS! (what are they about????)

      YESSS POWER THROUGH.

      Aww, thank you, yeah it just feels so much easier with friends and thank you so much for your wishes!! ❤ ❤

      I hope that you have a great rest of the day xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. lu, i love you so god damn much. it sounds like this month has been really stress filled and so I am glad you wrote this mess of a post to take your mind off things. make sure to practice some self-care and love because it seems like you’ve been doing lots of studying and while being productive is good, take time for yourself because you are so incredibly important. I am going to DM you now being all sappy, love you ❤

    Like

  9. Ahhh I am on completely the same page as you with school work messing up my blogging and reading and writing. It’s a horrible feeling, but I needed the small amounts of spare time I had for my brain to literally do NOTHING while I watched TV. And I think that’s okay? School isn’t going to be like this forever (personally I’ve got another 6 months of crazy) and while you’re in the middle of this storm you just need to take care of yourself the best you can, and that means the book world has to take a back seat. I wish you the best of luck with all the school stuff you’ve got going on!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I think that it’s totally okay, you need time to take care of yourself and do nothing and just relax a bit!!
      Thank you so much, I hope that the next 6 months of school go well for you and you get some more time to relax!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  10. LUUU!! I missed you around here so much!! But I’m so glad you’ve taken a break from blogging and are focusing on exams, they suck but I hope you do really well, and I hope the stress becomes a bit more bearable?? Congrats on coming out!! I’m so so so so proud of you, and it takes so much strength to be able to do it, and I’m so proud that you did❤️ hopefully it’ll all go well when you tell your family!!

    And CONGRATS on all the followers toooooo!!!! This is amazing!!

    Don’t overstress yourself about anything and just TRY to stay calm?? And if you ever need to talk about anything, you can always talk to meee❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh, Lu, darling, don’t feel bad about not blogging! Work and school and everything can be so much some times. And you are so brave for coming out! Internalized homophobia is a real BEAST and something I’ve been working through myself. I can’t come out to my family now, so I understand some of the weight it feels. I love how the mom in Love, Simon put it, It’s like holding your breath. And sometimes, I feel like I’m going to choke. 💕
    Your cat is SO CUTE! I just want to give her lots of hugs. Also, your poetry is so good! I haven’t written anything poetic in forever, and yours is so thought-provoking! Especially the one about archetypes.
    I hope your May is super fantastic! And that you’ll have a better schedule with work, and be able to breathe more. And of course, have time to read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for the Elizabeth!! You;re wonderful ❤ ❤

      urgh gosh yes the bitch that is internalised homophobia.. urgh. I hope that it will get better for you ❤

      oh gosh,,,, the mum in Love, Simon… I cried so much and I was with my friend (who is also gay) and the pair of us were just tearing up like crazy and having a good ol tear-fest.

      aww ikr!! She's so fat and fluffy (my spirit animal) and justskjgsjgnsejg is a ball of fluff!!

      Thank you so much for saying that about my poems, I was so scared to post them!!

      Thank you so much for being so kind, and I hope that you too have a fantastic May filled with writing and reading, and lots of cake eating!! ❤

      Like

  12. OH MY GOD LU first of all, I had no idea you were queer???? (is it bad that my love for you just increased a lot more now.) I’M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR COMING OUT!!! I’ve recently been wanting to come out to my parents (after reading several supportive-parents books and also watching Love Simon three times) but I’m like you — I don’t know how they would react. I mean, no one in my family isn’t homophobic (my sister learned that one of my mom’s coworkers is lesbian and thought that was cool lmao) but I’m just,,, scared.

    OKAY SORRY FOR THAT RANT DJDKFJSJF

    anyways, I’m so sorry for all the stress you’ve been experiencing for so long!!! I hope you’re doing better, and if not, I hope you WILL do better, and if you ever need to talk or rant, I will always be here to listen and support you!!! 💞💞💞 also HELL YEAH to those poems, I love them 😍😍

    I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!!!! all the love 💘💘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh yeaaahh I’d never said it on my blog before??? THANK YOU SO MUCH I WAS SO SCARED ILY THANK YOU.

      I totally understand that fear, and I think it’s just best to do it when YOU’RE comfortable, and to remind yourself that they love you, no matter your orientation as it does not define you!!

      (AS ALWAYS, RANT AWAY!!)

      Aww thank you so much, you’re a gem thank you so much for all the support and I hope that you also can destress/ de-worry (is that a word, that is the question…) about coming out to your parents.

      ALL THE LOVE TO YOU TOO ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  13. okkkk i’m so happy for you for coming out to friends oh my goddddd you are a f*cking QUEEEENNNNN. *rushes to hug you forever or jusst maybe for like 10 seconds bc I love you*
    also the WIP that starts off “What are your conditions” = my favorite,,,that was v gorgeous
    also LLOOOHK AT SMOL CATTTTT LKSLJA

    Like

  14. Golly, don’t worry about not being active – take time to focus on your exams and come back to us when you’re done! We’ll welcome you back with open arms and cake! I LOVEEEEE reading your writing, I’m so glad you’ve taken time out to do your writing – you can’t be working all the time 😀 CONGRATUALTIONS FOR COMING OUT TO YOUR FRIENDSSSSSS. That’s such a big step and achievement and I’m so proud of you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the support, you’re such a gem xx AHHH THOSE POEEMSSSS what i like to call à la trash but we’ll see ahahaha!!

      aww THANK YOUUUU!! honestly, it was so scary… but fjnselg worth it!! thank youuu ❤ ❤

      Like

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