Can we quickly shout at me about how it’s been so long since I posted?
I totally needed this break. I’ve only not blogged for maybe 2 weeks?? but??? I needed it??
Blogging was totally starting to feel like an obligation again so I feel so much more ready to blog and to do it to 130% rather than the 30% attempt-and-then-hurl-my-laptop-at-the-wall thing I was doing before.
SO a lot has transpired in the time that I’ve been away!!
I have returned to my home from Cornwall (i missed my double bed) (and my cat) and I have also stumbled into a mind-slumber that has enforced upon me 3 unwanted slumps. (#ripMe)
I’m in a blogging slump (ideas?? what is this that you speak of???), a reading slump (waaaa I’ve read nothing this month!!!) and, a huge writing slump too!!! I. AM. DOOMED.
So I thought I’d do an update because I’m just?? such an interesting person that you need to know everything about, obviously.
GCSE RESULTS. I GOT THOSE. I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!!
Also, guys… it rained earlier and I nearly cried because it made me really happy. Yes, I am not emotionally stable at the moment.
so i’m gonna start this with a quick ol’ mental health rant?? because that’s always a great place to start.
Basically, I’ve basically been so devoid of emotion for maybe?? 4 weeks now?? and I have no idea what’s going on.
So like nothing is making me laugh as much?? like reading and blogging have been bringing me 0 joy and the only time that I actually laugh is when I’m getting drunk and I’m not even getting sad at things that “should” make me sad?? and then I’ll be fine for a bit, maybe an afternoon, and then everything just crashes back to 0 emotion.
And I really don’t understand this.
so if anyone can vaguely relate?? maybe hmu or something *shrug*
new news (coming out)
so i came out a while ago (bi) in this post here and now I’m just gonna come out and say it again?? because I’m gender fluid.
Obviously, going through this has not been the easiest, it’s actually been painful and horrible and potentially has something to do with my mental health (probably, idk I’m not a therapist) but now that I’ve let the label stick for a bit, and I’ve told some people it’s getting easier for me to… not deal with?? but?? accept about myself??
I feel so… relieved(???) to finally be able to place this thing that I’ve been feeling and some things that I’ve felt over the past few years. Things just make sense now? I don’t know, it’s hard for me to describe.
But. I would very much appreciate it if you guys used they/them pronouns?
I haven’t come out to any of my immediate family yet, but it’s something that I’m considering a lot more now?? and I don’t feel panicked about doing so just from the thought of it anymore? I just kind of want them to know and want it to be out in the open?
but urgh i hate that coming-out is a thing that has to happen anyways. heteronormative stuff sucks and i want it to burn, honestly.
START THE PANICKING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so here they are:
- Biology – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 8 (A*/A+)
- Chemistry – predicted 6 (B) – achieved 6 (B)
- Physics – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 7 (A)
- Maths – predicted 6 (A) – achieved 7 (A) [actually so happy about this i literally worked so much to get this grade]
- English Literature – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 9 (A**/A++)
- English Language – predicted 8 (A*) – achieved 9 (A**/A++)
- Graphics – predicted A – achieved A*
- P.E – predicted 6 (B) – achieved 5 (C) [WHOOPS I KNEW THESE EXAMS WERE TERRIBLE. I’m not too bummed?? I\m not doing this and don’t really need it in the future?]
- Geography – predicted 6/7 (B/A) – achieved 9 (A**/A++) [HOW]
- History – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 9 (A**/A++) [HOW X1000]
- Latin Language – predicted A – achieved A* [literally what the heck?!?!!?!!?!?]
Overall: I don’t know how I got nines??? for people outside the uk / don’t know about the new grading system: a nine is within I think the top 15% of all the grades in the country so???????????????????????? *confusion*
But I’m very happy with my grades [ignore the c 0__0] because I woked so much??? and to get a nine in history is so hard?? and English lit/lang papers were so hard?? (the awful Banquo question when he’s only in the first 1/3 of the play!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I’m continuing those subjects at college (6th form) in September so!!!!!!!!
Urgh I’m glad that I can put these exams behind me, finally.
*not an awkward outro* bye!