A QUICK CATCH UP: GCSE Results, Coming Out, All The Slumps & Mental Health (be being a prickly cactus).

Can we quickly shout at me about how it’s been so long since I posted?

I totally needed this break. I’ve only not blogged for maybe 2 weeks?? but??? I needed it??

Blogging was totally starting to feel like an obligation again so I feel so much more ready to blog and to do it to 130% rather than the 30% attempt-and-then-hurl-my-laptop-at-the-wall thing I was doing before.

SO a lot has transpired in the time that I’ve been away!!

I have returned to my home from Cornwall (i missed my double bed) (and my cat) and I have also stumbled into a mind-slumber that has enforced upon me 3 unwanted slumps. (#ripMe)

I’m in a blogging slump (ideas?? what is this that you speak of???), a reading slump (waaaa I’ve read nothing this month!!!) and, a huge writing slump too!!! I. AM. DOOMED. 

So I thought I’d do an update because I’m just?? such an interesting person that you need to know everything about, obviously.

GCSE RESULTS. I GOT THOSE. I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!!  

Also, guys… it rained earlier and I nearly cried because it made me really happy. Yes, I am not emotionally stable at the moment.

Screenshot 2018-01-28 17.00.41

so i’m gonna start this with a quick ol’ mental health rant?? because that’s always a great place to start.

Basically, I’ve basically been so devoid of emotion for maybe?? 4 weeks now?? and I have no idea what’s going on.

So like nothing is making me laugh as much?? like reading and blogging have been bringing me 0 joy and the only time that I actually laugh is when I’m getting drunk and I’m not even getting sad at things that “should” make me sad?? and then I’ll be fine for a bit, maybe an afternoon, and then everything just crashes back to 0 emotion.

And I really don’t understand this.

so if anyone can vaguely relate?? maybe hmu or something *shrug*

Screenshot 2018-07-22 19.04.57

new news (coming out)

so i came out a while ago (bi) in this post here and now I’m just gonna come out and say it again?? because I’m gender fluid.

Obviously, going through this has not been the easiest, it’s actually been painful and horrible and potentially has something to do with my mental health (probably, idk I’m not a therapist) but now that I’ve let the label stick for a bit, and I’ve told some people it’s getting easier for me to… not deal with?? but?? accept about myself??

I feel so… relieved(???) to finally be able to place this thing that I’ve been feeling and some things that I’ve felt over the past few years. Things just make sense now? I don’t know, it’s hard for me to describe.

But. I would very much appreciate it if you guys used they/them pronouns?

I haven’t come out to any of my immediate family yet, but it’s something that I’m considering a lot more now?? and I don’t feel panicked about doing so just from the thought of it anymore? I just kind of want them to know and want it to be out in the open? but urgh i hate that coming-out is a thing that has to happen anyways. heteronormative stuff sucks and i want it to burn, honestly.

Screenshot 2017-09-29 18.15.41

gcse results(!!!!) 

START THE PANICKING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so here they are:

  1. Biology – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 8 (A*/A+)
  2. Chemistry – predicted 6 (B) – achieved 6 (B)
  3. Physics – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 7 (A)
  4. Maths – predicted 6 (A) – achieved 7 (A) [actually so happy about this i literally worked so much to get this grade]
  5.  English Literature – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 9 (A**/A++)
  6. English Language – predicted 8 (A*) – achieved 9 (A**/A++)
  7. Graphics – predicted A – achieved A*
  8. P.E – predicted 6 (B) – achieved 5 (C) [WHOOPS I KNEW THESE EXAMS WERE TERRIBLE. I’m not too bummed?? I\m not doing this and don’t really need it in the future?]
  9. Geography – predicted 6/7 (B/A) – achieved 9 (A**/A++) [HOW]
  10. History – predicted 7 (A) – achieved 9 (A**/A++) [HOW X1000]
  11. Latin Language – predicted A – achieved A* [literally what the heck?!?!!?!!?!?]

Overall: I don’t know how I got nines??? for people outside the uk / don’t know about the new grading system: a nine is within I think the top 15% of all the grades in the country so???????????????????????? *confusion*

But I’m very happy with my grades [ignore the c 0__0] because I woked so much??? and to get a nine in history is so hard?? and English lit/lang papers were so hard?? (the awful Banquo question when he’s only in the first 1/3 of the play!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I’m continuing those subjects at college (6th form) in September so!!!!!!!!

Urgh I’m glad that I can put these exams behind me, finally.

*slinks away*

*not an awkward outro* bye!

Screenshot 2018-06-02 14.37.45

 

 

30 thoughts on “A QUICK CATCH UP: GCSE Results, Coming Out, All The Slumps & Mental Health (be being a prickly cactus).”

  1. Good heavens, seems like you’ve been in a roller coaster while you were poof. [I’m in the same boat; although for entirely different reasons.]

    I’m so happy you came out! [Again..] It indeed sucks you have to do that because of the hetero-normative stuff but hey. It’s either that or not tell anyone and then you feel like you’re hiding, which isn’t even an option anymore after a while. You be you! It’s easier and waaay less hard mentally. Eventually.

    Congratz on your amaaazing results as well! You DID GOOD. BRILLIANT. AMAZING.

    I hope you find your emotions again soon. I know how it can be – been there. No clue how I got rid of it though.. Wish I did; I’d give you all the tips I could think of but.. no clue. Just do what you feel like doing and not force yourself into anything – that might be.. a start? Idk.

    Take care, Lu!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so happy for you that your results were amazing!!! And I also wish heteronormative things could all be burnt. It just makes things more difficult for all of us. And I’m glad you’ve found a way to describe how you feel because (from my experience) that’s such a relief. As for the emotions… that sucks, but don’t stress. I’m sure it will work out. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. aaahh Lu I totally understand what you mean about not feeling emotion!! I felt really “dead” at the beginning of 2018 for a long time (which I later understood to mean that I was DEPRESSED) and that kind of thing is starting to come back…. except it’s like a whole bunch of overwhelming emotions one moment and then absolutely nothing the next. which means I’m depressed again. BUT if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here and willing to listen!!

    and AAHH hi fellow genderfluid person!!! (I’m not quite sure on my label yet either but it’s either genderqueer or genderfluid haha) I saw in your twitter bio you started using she/they pronouns and I got a little excited lmao. so happy that you’re slowly figuring this all out!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey, Lulu, you’re back!

    Congrats on your GCSEs! And congrats on coming out! I know how scary it can be to come out to your fam (something I still haven’t done) so take your time and don’t feel like you HAVE to, just do it if you feel safe and ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Welcome back. It’s always nice to be able to take a break from blogging once in a while. Hope you find the courage to come out to your parents in the future, but do take your time!
    Also those GCSE results LOOK SO GOOD. I tried doing GCSEs (only for like 3 subjects) and they weren’t that easy at all, so congrats on reaching your goals and more ❤ Hope you get better mentally as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post Lu, and congrats on your amazing GCSE results as well. I guess all that studying you were doing those months ago really paid off in the end. 😀 I am sorry about the reading/blogging slump. I get what you mean though because I feel like there are times when I’m slumping a little, I hope you feel more into blogging soon, I’ll definitely be looking forwards to seeing more posts from you.
    Also congrats on coming out (I hope that’s the right phrase) and I’ll make note of your pronouns for future use to. If it makes you feel more comfortable it’s something I want to remember. 🙂
    Again great post. 🙂 ❤

    Like

  7. You did so well on your tests!!! Congrats! And also congrats on coming out! And so sorry you’re emotions have been such a mess this last month or so. Hope you can take a moment to breathe and take in everything. Taking a blogging break can be so NICE, especially when you want to slump about everything.
    And good luck on this year’s term! I just started back for my final year, yay! Here’s to not being completely overwhelming by freaking everything.

    Like

    1. thank you so much!!!!
      taking a break from the internet the past couple months has been so relaxing and I honestly felt lighter???? ahh it was so good but happy to be back!!!!
      thank you so much and good luck to you too!!! ❤

      Like

  8. I’m sorry you’re not feeling great, I’m here if you feel like talking and I send you love. ❤ Currently I feel as though my whole life is a bit dreamlike?? I'm hoping that going back to school and getting some structure will knock into my brain that actually this is my life but it feels very strange. Thanks for letting us know about your pronouns as well! It sucks that coming out has to be a thing. I wish I could just not have that process at all tbh, but, alas. And MANY CONGRATULATIONS on your GCSEs! Heck yeah!! Especially for English & History, that is AMAZING and I hope you enjoy studying them next year. 😀

    Like

    1. Thank you so much!!! yeah irk, coming out is such a constant thing!
      thank you again, it’s such a relief for them to be over. SORRY THAT I TOOK SO LONG TO REPLY, comments are just building up because of the hiatus!!! ❤ ❤
      Has being back at school helped?? i get what you mean, not being at school means that there's almost TOO much free time!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Congrats on your exam results! It must be a relief to have those over with!

    And ack, I never know how to comment on these things, but I wanted to say that I love you and support you, and here let me throw a big bundle of love and support at you! ❤️❤️

    Like

  10. Congrats on your amazing GCSE results, Lu! ❤

    I'm so sorry you've been having a hard time with your mental health for about a month now, I totally relate to the not feeling anything part/being devoid of emotion, you're not alone in this! And I'm always here, if you want to talk about it, okay! ❤

    And re: coming out, I'm 100% behind you, and I hope you don't feel pressured (even by yourself) to come out to your family! I hope you're taking your time, and can do it when the time is right & when you feel 100% ready.

    (Sorry, if I'm rambling at this point, but it's late where I am, and I'm half-asleep sdnfjdsdf.)

    Sending you lots of hugs, and the warmest thoughts! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Lily! You’re actually so wonderful. I came out to like 4 more of my friends the other night and it feels great? but yeah, definitely not going to shout it from the roof tops right away because anxiety and yaahhh i dont know if that makes sense????

      Liked by 1 person

  11. IM SO PROUD OF YOU I LOVE YOU!!! like your gcse results are AMAZING, like woooow!!! THAT IS AMAZING I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE I GOT GRADES LIKE THIS!! also im so proud of you for coming out as genderfluid, im so happy for you ugh your amazing ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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