I’m not back.

Hello, how is everyone?

After my mini-absence form blogging due to a stressful test week, where I barely spoke to anyone, I am back. But I’m not ready to be back back.

Now, sitting at this computer, I realise that I’m not ready to start blogging all positively again. This week, I’ve barely spoken to the people closest to me and now I feel shit about it. And how shitty and broken I feel now, how quickly this feeling seems to surround me, makes me wonder. It makes me wonder whether I ever actually healed last year, and two years before that. Whether throughout all the years I’ve ever actually healed from everything that has happened. Because it doesn’t feel like I have.

It feels like I’ve buried everything inside of me, and I can’t contain anything more. And then, every so often, everything that I’m feeling but containing, just floods out of me and wrecks up all my emotions. And for some reason, this is happening more and more frequently. It’s as though one small thing can just bring every little thing back up.

I keep on writing posts but not publishing them about how I feel, and I’m not sure what I’m doing.

And I don’t want to go into detail about it, because it will just bring everything up even more. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I won’t be blogging as much as I previously was. I think I need to take time away, but then I may find that talking things through here may help. So I’m not sure what’s happening.

I’ll see you around.

But as always,

Lu x

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