BOOKWORMS ARE MYSTICAL CREATURES THAT WILL NEVER BE PROPERLY UNDERSTOOD.
While I’m pretty sure that bookworms differ from bookworm to bookworm, I’m sure that we all like to sometimes think that we’re normal. . . We’re not. AT ALL.
And I think that it’s time to embrace that we are all special, book-loving, beans that have never posessed anything resembling marbles and intend to stay that way while reading 3984756 books at one time and simutaneously adding 5476 books to our goodreads ‘to-read’ shelf. Yes, that is possible.*
*BUT I’LL NEVER TELL, as the EMPRESS OF THE GALAXIES never reveals her secrets. . . mwahahah. . .
1. “I’M SO BROKE, I’M PRACTICALLY STARVING.”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE LOGIC: Maybe you should just not buy books and pay your bills, purchase the required sustenance to live, and GET. YOUR. LIFE. TOGETHER. Maybe even ask people to help you out *rings Great-aunt Edna that you haven’t spoken to in forever* *lives*
BOOKWORM LOGIC: I can maybe live off of the dust particles in the air??? THAT WILL SAVE ME THE MONEY I NEED FOR ALL THESE BOOKS.
2. “THIS HUMAN/“FRIEND” WONT READ MY BOOK RECOMMENDATION.”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: Fair enough, it’s not the end of the world. Maybe it’s just not their genre.
BOOKWORM THINKING: WHAT IS THIS BETRAYAL!!!!!!?????? AND HOW CAN THEY NOT READ THIS PEICE OF MAGNIFICENCE SENT FROM THE GODS OF THE GALAXY.
3. “THIS BOOK IS HELLA EMOTIONAL MAYBE I SHOULD NOT READ IT AROUND OTHER BEINGS”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: Just read the book when you’re at home, best not to be all snotty in front of everyone and seem absolutely out of your mind.
BOOKWORM THINKING: I SHALL CRY IF NECESSARY. NO ONE CAN STOP ME. I AM INVINCIBLE. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE, ATTEMPTING TO CONTROL ME IN THIS MANNER?
4. “MY TBR WILL CRUSH ME.”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: Perchance you could stop purchasing books left, right, and centre and stop adding books to your Goodreads, and JUST READ ALL THE BOOKS YOU ALREADY OWN. Just stop being so silly and read and stop buying books and throwing money at bookshops and online and then you can also buy things that you need.
BOOKWORM THINKING: THERE’S NO HOPE FOR ME IM ALREADY GONE . MAY AS WELL JUST ADD SOME MORE BOOKS TO IT WHILE IM AT IT. Everyone goes at some point…
5. “THIS CHARACTER IS NAMED “SERKSIF” WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE. I CAN’T PRONOUNCE THAT!!”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: That’s fine, everything is calm, I’ll google, get other opinions, contact the author, listen to the audio book and make a conclusion.
BOOKWORM THINKING: OKAY I’VE SAID THIS NAME IN SOME DEFORMED WAY FOR THE ENTIRE NOVEL. IT IS FOREVER IMPLANTED IN MY BRAIN THIS WAY. HOW WILL I SURVIVE? HOW WILL THE WORLD SURVIVE? HOW WILL THE GALAXY SURVIVE? Right everyone, JUST BE OKAY WITH THIS.
6. “E-BOOK OR PHYSICAL BOOK?”*
“NORMAL PEOPLE THINKING”: Both are great! Ebooks are great for traveling and also don’t take up LOADS of space on your shelves, and tend to be cheaper. BUTTTTTTTTTTTT physical books are so wonderfully beautiful I cry and wayyyy easier to read as well as being able to actually turn the pages.
BOOKWORM THINKING: YOU CAN HUG THE PHYSICAL BOOKS. CASE CLOSED.
*this is always one of the BIGGEST struggles of being a bookworm. hdbdskb.
7. “I HATE THIS BOOK SO MUCH.”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: Just,, idk,,, give it to someone who’s into those sort of books, or donate it to charity because that’s always a GREAT thing to do!! There we go, logical solution: donate it.
BOOKWORM THINKING: What if I. . . punish it by placing it on the bottom shelf and then just pretend that it never exsiste and that I never even read it and hopefully it will LEARN THE ERRORS OF ITS WAYS and just be better so that I can love it???? Or, I could just burn it. Problem. Solved.
8. “SHOULD I REALLY BE RECOMMENDING THIS BOOK THAT BROUGHT ME NOTHING BUT PAIN AND SUFFERING?”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: I’ll just say in my review that they should expect pain and nothing else and warn them of how HEART BREAKING this book can be, and give them all the warning so that they (A) don’t cry for 64729 hours like I did, (B) have a mental breakdown, and (C) burn the book in the heartbreak and betrayal they feel in that split second and make a GRAVE mistake.
BOOKWORM THINKING: Mwahahaahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. They will never see it coming. *tells everyone the book was lovely and not heartbreaking in the slightest. . .*
*evil laughter continues as EXITS*
9.“THIS REVIEW WILL TAKE HOURS TO DO PROPERLY. WHAT SHALL I DO???”
“NORMAL” PEOPLE THINKING: Okay, take a deep breath, you can do this. Make a list of all your opinions and yeah, maybe it’ll take a little longer than usual, but it will be worth it, don’t worry. Better just get started before you forget the entire thing and then will never be able to write it. It will all be fine.
BOOKWORM THINKING: THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS. what if I can never write this review?!! Okay (A) What even is my opinion. What are opinions??? (B) what am I even doing? (C) HOW MANY STARS????? And (D) what even is star-rating for????? I’ll just go and read something else, or mentally prepare by looking at everything on Pinterest #priorities to get inspo, I’ll read 89234576 other reviews of this book to try and see what other people think and I WONT STRESS OUT ABOUT IT AT ALL. And after all that, I MIGHT TRY AT TRYING TO WRITE THE REVIEW EVENTUALLY… BECAUSE!! WHAT!! IS!! LIFE!!!!!!
I’m uncertain that bookworm thinking will ever be a thing that makes 100% sense. Will it change in the future? Let’s be real, probably not.
Does some of it make sense? Yes, actually!! For example, (A) shouting at the internet for everyone to read your current book obsession. (B) Befriending ANYONE that likes the same book(s) as you. (C) being the mortal enemy of anyone that hates the book that you love so dearly. (D) yes, reorganising your shelves does count as weekly (if not monthly) exercise. (E) everyone should like my post right now *takes out threatening knives*.
What is some of your bookworm logic? What crazy thinking do you have? Do yuo relate to any of these? Let me know in the comments!!