The Growing Lack of REALISTIC F/F friendships in YA // Incoherent Babble.

You should know by now that I LOVE to rant. It’s just what I do*



And, you may also know from following this blog that I’m PICKY**. I LOVE TO PICK APART RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN CHARACTERS, and this includes friendships too.

One thing that I notice is that in more recent ya female friends always argue. Not just girls, guys too.


  • I read a lot of fantasy
  • I took a very long break from contemporary
  • I am slowly getting back into contemporary.

SO I’m going to be talking about this discussing regarding BOTH genres. (TO BE FAIR)

*I also breathe and occasionally take over a galaxy or two. BECAUSE I AM THE QUEEN. **Okay I’m not even that picky??? I like LITERALLY EVERYTHING I read.IMG_1882

Friendships in Contemporary:

In contemporary there’s the stereotype of them falling for the same guy. . . DUN DUN DUN and there being a huggggeeee fall out. Or, friends disagreeing on a “HUGE THING”. Or the friends just easily falling out over little things that don’t usually represent a positive / proper friendship.

And I get it, it needs to be kept interesting. But really?? THE BOOK IS ALREADY A UNIQUE SNOW FLAKE!! DRAMA ISN’T NEEDED!! Or, the friends do something that an average hughschooler would NEVER dot someone. WHAT THEY ARGUE ABOUT IS NOT REALISTIC SOMETIMES.

3 Bouquet

Like I get it, the book needs to have things that keep it interesting, but URGH drama is so pointless and petty in books!!


ANDDDDDDDDDDD: I think that sometimes friendships are portrayed as cliche sometimes, where they always do really OUT-THERE things and have “OH SUCH A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE” and everyone is okay ALL THE TIME. Or they CONSTANTLY FALL OUT, or get annoyed with each other REALLY EASILY and there’s just not a positive friendship there.

I personally hate drama, in real life AND books. So in books, when there’s needless, petty drama in my head I just scream “ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!”


Friendships in Fantasy:

In fantasy, they see each other as competition and literally take 1/2 the book to warm ip to each other. AND THERE’S 7/10 gonna be some love interest drama there to, or they just see them as a threat and semi warm up to each other after they prove their “worth” “who’s the strongest” “who’s the bravest” etc. . . 




I understand that there could be a mistrust between two characters at first, but like HBRDGBLDHG NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIPS!! WHY!!! AND DRAMA!! WHY!!

its!! not!! gonna!! help!! why!! is!! it!! there!!

I think that this really relates to real life. And how lots of girls seem to think that its a competition. Who’s the prettiest, who’s the smartest, who’s got the nicest hair, the nicest eyes, figure, best height. AND THAT’S REALLY SAD.

Like no. I don’t want to be ranked against anyone else. I want to stand out on my own. and I want other people to stand out of their own too. I don’t see the need for the competition, the competition that the MEDIA shows girls from a young age, of models COMPETING for the lime light, and telling girls that they should look one way or another, do there hair one way or another; Dress one way or another; be the way the media wants you to be. NOT be who ever the heck you want to be.

I think that this (^^^^) is SO PROMINENT IN SO MANY BOOKS??? Like without people evening thinking. Even sometimes by what people WEAR / THIER MAKEUP. In books I always get the image that everyone is always BEAUTIFUL AND ALWAYS LLOK FABULOUS AS I SIT THERE LOOKING LIKE A TROLL.

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What do you think of the female friendships in books? Do you think that there’s too much / too little / an okay amount of drama in books? Does drama in books annoy you? Do you not mind it? Let me know! 


40 thoughts on “The Growing Lack of REALISTIC F/F friendships in YA // Incoherent Babble.”

  1. This is such a great discussion! I really miss GREAT friendships in YA books, sometimes, especially in contemporary. There is so much place for drama, rivalities and so on and so little genuine, fun and supportive f/f friendships. We so need more of these. I’m actually thinking of Radio Silence, a book with amazing friendships, I’d 100% recommend it, as well as This is How it happened, even if the f/f friendship isn’t the main focus of the story, it is here and adorable and all the love. ❤ As for the drama… well, I enjoy it a little bit for sure, but… enough is enough ahah, we don't need everything to be turned into endless dramas in books. Life already does that pretty well hahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! SAMEEEEE!! I feel like friendships should be a HUGE part of contemporary yet its hardly there?!?!?!?

      OMG I need to go and read these now!!!!! Yes exactly, enough is enough sometimes!!!

      thanks for your comment!! x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this discussion, I haven’t seen many people talk about this topic before. I think the biggest thing is with contemporaries, f/f friendships tend to be so cliche! 98% of the time, the same events happen – the two best friends are INSEPARABLE, there’s some romantic drama, they drift apart etc etc etc. I’m kind of tired of it now haha. You do get some that are really well done though, so it depends on the book for me.
    I haven’t really read many friendships in fantasy books, but the ones I have read about I agree tend to be very competitive. Do you have any recommendations for great friendships in fantasy? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THANKS!!!!!!
      Yes they’re just so cliche and stereotypical!!!! LITERALLY YES YOU GET ME GIRL. Omg great friendships in fantasy — gahhhh lemme think for a second!!! ERM Six of crows, LITERALLY THERE was a great friendship there, it took a little bit of time, but it always does!! ERM morrigan and Feyre in in ACOMAF are really good friends, one of the highlights of that book!! I cant really think of anymore???!!?!?! which is really sad : ((((((


  3. This is a great post Lu, and it’s so true. It always drives me crazy when friends in books are like, constantly fighting, or completely ignore the other person! Seriously people, THAT IS NOT A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP!!! And in my experience, it’s not realistic, I mean sure, people don’t ALWAYS get along, no matter how good of friends they are, but… with a lot of book characters, they fight so much, that honestly, I don’t see how they’re still friends.
    I totally agree about drama in books, I really don’t enjoy it. It’s why I don’t read as much contemporary as I do other genres. I find there’s usually a lot less drama in fantasy… I guess they’re busy with other things, like saving the world, or whatever, and don’t have nearly as much time for dumb drama. The said, there’s still often way too much…

    Sorry, this comment was a bit longer and rantier than I intended 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THANK SO MUCH!!
      Yessssss, friendships seem to be SO FRAGILE AND UNHEALTHY in books!! Obviously, they wont get along allllll the time, and will have disagreements, but seriously, all that fighting? not realistic!
      Yes!!! I think that’s why I made the switch from reading predominantly Contemporary to reading predominantly fantasy!


      Liked by 1 person

  4. This post is awesome!! It’s funny but really truthful!!! LIKEE URRRGHH!!! I sometimess go for books that have high school drama and Its amusing. I make a comedy out of the whole thing😂😂. But some books go waaay over the limit where every damn thing is soo cliche. Ew. And oooh you’ve said it so well!! Friendships in books and movies is so nott how it is !! Xxx😆😆

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ooh, I love this post, Lu! I’m a huge advocate for positive female friendships in YA. I personally haven’t experienced/seen any girl hate (or a lot of it) at school, but I know for sure that it exists. But… girls are not ALWAYS hating on each other??? We can have healthy relationships with them — and it doesn’t have to be romantic!

    Great post!! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I definitely agree with your points, if only everyone could get on! I feel that there’s not enough positive female relationships and it was something I wanted to show in the novel I’m currently writing (it’s a slow process though). Books should feature women supporting each other’s decisions and having a blast, drama is overrated 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I would LOVE to see some healthy female friendships in books omg I’ve only seen it so little in the books I’ve read! One of my recent reads that had AWESOME female friendships was Wonder Woman Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo! I loooooved how supportive the girls were of each other and how no one brought the other down or judged them for things—it was incredibly refreshing to read about ❤ and maybe it's just me and the kind of books I read but I am definitely missing more f/f friendships in books I NEED MOOORRRREEEEE!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SAME HERE!!! I cant wait to get around to that book, its sitting on my shelf waiting for me. YOU’RE HYPING ME UP FOR THIS SO MUCHHHHH JACKIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

      I need more f/f friendships, especially in fantasy, I feel like in that genre they’re more focused on the love interest than the f/f friendships and don’t develop them as much :(((

      Thank you for your lovely comment, as always ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I never really gave it much thought until now, but I always knew there was something bugging me. Now I guess I know what that is. Totally agree with all your points- there’s enough drama in real life, so why would we want to read about it?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love this discussion Lu, and it’s one I 100% agree on as well. There needs to be more valid f/f friendships in all kind of YA books because there just aren’t enough at the moment. I hate it when friends in contemporary books end up competing over the same guy, it’s not realistic because when I was growing up me and my friends never competed over guys. I don’t know any friends who did or would. I really love the way you ended this discussion as well, about how you don’t want to be ranked against anyone else but to stand out on your own. I think that’s a great thought and definitely something we need to see more of in all kinds of media. Young girls need to see that they don’t have to compete with everyone for everything like it seems they are in books you know? 🙂
    Great post! 😀 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! ❤ ❤

      I literally LOATHE drama so much and when its in books I want to sink to the floor and SOB. I agree, even in real life, if two friends happened to like the same guy, if they were REAL friends they wouldn’t compete about it.

      AW thank you so much!! I really wish that id grown up in an age without social media??? Like, its changed the way that I look at myself to the extent where I compare myself to so many other people and I WISH that I didn’t, and im sure that many others feel the same way too ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s all right! 😀 ❤
        It would be great to see a book where the two best friends are real friends, there's no unnecessary drama, no fighting over the same guy. I'd love to see friendships like the kind I have with my friends because it's so important to show young girls they can have real friendships rather than drama-ships.
        I kind of grew up at the start of the big social media revolution, I was always a little bit behind on it so I was never as into Facebook/MySpace/Instagram as my friends were and now I'm kind of glad for it. Right now the only social media sites I have is WordPress and GR, that's literally it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, wouldn’t it be great??!! In another comment they asked for some good recommendations of fantasy books with good f/f friendships and I could think of many and that was really sad???

          Yeah, im pretty withdrawn from social media too, I have snapchat, and instagram, but I only talk to my actual friends, and don’t follow celebrities or magazines!

          Liked by 1 person

  10. I think there is a general lack of friendships in YA, which is surprising considering that’s the age when we make life long friends.. M/M are probably the only ones represented well.. Also most of the fantasy dystopian novels have some sort of competition which leaves no place for friendships…
    I would love to read about girl friends just having a beautiful relationship and being supportive of each other.. I would also really love to read some platonic M/F friendships without it ending in a romance…
    Do u have some recommendations in YA fantasy which actually have such good friendships?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, for sure!! I think that M/M friendships are represented so well!! But I feel that there’s a lack of them being the centre because of the lack of male main characters?!
      omg yes I’d love for there to be more F/M friendships too!! I find that they’re totally lacking!!

      I think that Six of Crows has a really good f/f friendship that develops at a good pace! And if im honest I cant think of many more?? (which is really sad!!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Six of crows is definitely good with representing all different friendships.. That’s probably why it’s so satisfying to read.
        I enjoyed the f/f and f/m friendship in The Crown of Embers and Bitter Kingdom. These two books have good healthy relationships which I enjoyed.
        I would love to read a book or series which just has friends and no romance at all. How wonderful that would be but don’t know if v ll ever get one.
        I almost feel like there should be a genre called Friendship just like romance because our friends are such integral part of our lives.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Also the two books I mentioned do have romance but it’s just that the other friendships are also represented well and I like the overall relationships in the series ..

            Liked by 1 person

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