Year Wrap Up {1}: Top Ten Books That Tore Out My Dysfunctional Heart In 2018 (I’m Not Crying You Are) + My Year Long Slump.

2018 was the year of rereads for me. 

I really don’t think that I would have got anywhere near my target (that I still haven’t met) if it weren’t for the rereads. I had to stop counting rereads as ‘reads’ because I felt guilty. 

I dunno, this year was a really strange reading year for me. Sometimes books would tear me apart, and other times I’d be in this HUGE slump (that’s basically lasted all year) and I felt nada. 

So it’s no surprise that it’s already December 29th and I still haven’t met my goodreads target (by one tho!!) *shrug*

I repeat, YEAR. LONG. SLUMP.

*Shrugs again* 

I’m not bitter. pfttt. who’s bitter? I don’t know them. 

future me: i just realised that all but two of these books are GAY AF. 

1.Dear Martin.

This was my first read of the year and BOY OH BOY, this tore out my heart. I think that I read it in one sitting and I remember just wanting to read it over and over again. This, like THUG, is such a poignant novel and I SUPER DUPER recommend it to everyone. 

It was just absolutely gripping and I don’t think that I could NOT include it on this list. 

GUYS. GO READ. 

2. Autoboyography.

WHAT A READ. I sobbed like a baby throughout this book, read it in an afternoon, and then started reading it again. This book. I seriously cannot even describe how MUCH this book means to me. 

I just adore this book. 

You can see my review here, where I go into MASSES of detail about the importance of this book. And, you can read more about the importance of this book here where I talk about internalised homophobia as part of my ‘coming out series’.  

This book is NOT WORSHIPPED ENOUGH. 

Ok moving on because I would happily talk about this book forever. 

3. & 4. ARE BOOKS/AUTHORS THAT I NO LONER SUPPORT

5. Obsidio.

NIK!!!!! Just all the ships??? So good. 

this was SUCH  a good end to the trilogy. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time and it was so SATISFYING too. Obviously, I’M BUMMED TO LEAVE THIS TRILOGY, it was so unique and JUST UTTERLY BRILLIANT. 

I don’t know how I’m going to cope without a next one next year!!! 

6. THE FOXHOLE COURT.

I had no idea what I was in for when I started reading this trilogy. It started out like: whooaaaaa obscureness!! weird made-up sport!! and ended: heartbreaking!! and me BEGGING for more!!

It ended up being one of the best books that I’ve read that talks about rape,  consent, depression, and LGBTQIA. The main character is DEMISEXUAL and I, so far, have only found one other book that had a demisexual character and it was just so refreshing to see. 

also, there’s some japanese mafia in there too. 

this whole trilogy was basically a god-send. especially because I read it at a super stressful time and this book let me ESCAPE so much and I just cared so much about this book from the moment I started it.

7. A Gathering of Shadows.

So while it took me a literal EON to read this, I adored it. I literally read (liek I do with all V.E.Schwab books) the first 50 or so pages, put it down for a few months, and then went back to it. 11/10 do not recommend.

It was just amazing, ok? I WISH that I’d read this sooner. This book BLEW. ME. AWAY. literally. I was so surprised by how much the magic system did NOT tire me??? like??? I’m so worried about that in fantasy? that I’ll just get sick of it and start hating it? BUT THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN IT WAS AMAZING SO WE’RE ALL GOOD.

Rhy… one of the best bisexuals in fantasy YA BY F-ING FAR. 

I just love the diversity in these books too.

FINALLY, FANTASY WITH DIVERSITY.

8. A Thousand Perfect Notes.

Amazing! Heart-wrenching! Destroying! Sob-inducing! Unique! EVERYTHING!! ADORABLE LITTLE SISTERS THAT ARE FOOD MONSTERS (IE ME!)

This book basically ripped out my heart and smushed it all back together again. Now it’s just a blob that cannot function. Yes, I am deceased. THIS IS WHAT CAIT DOES TO US! It’s not fair!! But I love it.

Honestly from the minute I heard about this book, I WANTED IT. And did it reach my expectations? NO, IT BLEW THEM OUT OF THE WATER AND SET THEM ON FIRE.

In all seriousness, this book has an amazing message that food monsters need to be fed constantly to be placated about abuse and GUYS IT’S JUST SO EMOTIONAL, OK?

9. The Gentleman’s Guide To Vice And Virtue. 

What another heart-smasher.

This was an emotional and geographical whirlwind. This was fun, fast and fabulous (how percy would undoubtedly describe himself) and I loved every minute of it.

I’ve only read one other historical fiction?? and I don’t know how any others will live up to this one?? I’m doomed, essentially.

All the heartwarming bi+gay rep. just. yes.

10. They Both Die At The End.

THIS KILLED ME.

ABSOLUTELY. I think that it was heartbreaking and cute and just an overall soul-destroyer to be honest.

I thought that it had some amazing light-hearted fluffy moments too but I felt that (because it was set over one day) it was a teeny bit insta-love? perchance?

honourable mentions: 

Wildcard — this was an AMAZING read but when I think about it? the others just DESTROYED ME MORE??? but I super enjoyed this one and I will ALWAYS love this world and I’m SO SO SO sad that there will be no more books because I LOVE IT SM. ALSO, THERE’S A ‘THEY’ CHARACTER THAT MADE MY DAY.

LET’S PRAY MY SLUMP ENDS BEFORE 2019 COMES AROUND THE CORNER.

What are your favourite reads of the year? any on this list? have you read any of these? what are some of the books that you were LET DOWN BY this year? TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!